Great is His Faithfulness

It's been a year since we left Mission Hills (MHC).  How our lives have changed in such a short time!  In many ways, MHC seems like barely a memory to me already.  There is so much that has been forgotten in this year.  Our lives have been filled with a new job, a new church, new people AND most importantly, a new family member.  It's been a lot of change.  We are so grateful for it.  I believe that God has used a lot of that change to dull our memories and heal our past.  (Although it's so ironic that as I sit in a local coffee shop writing this, I have to mention that I have seen no less than 5 MHC people from the "past" that I am totally reminded that it's the people from MHC that keep the memory alive.)

Last month, I had the privilege (?) of returning to MHC for a girl's conference called Adored.  Seeing as how it has been a year, and our lives have changed so much, I didn't think much of it.  A friend of mine put the conference together all on her own (shout out to ya, Rebekah), and I was so excited to support her and bring some of our Grace girls to the event.  It sounded like so much fun to me that I couldn't bear to miss out.

Driving into the parking lot, I was quickly confronted with the fact that not only would I be seeing a lot of our former students (yay!), but their parents, as well.  Including many former co-pastor's-wives.  A little more daunting.  I quickly realized I needed to put on my game face and smile and nod.  Smile and nod.  I'd get through it.  The fun was coming soon.  Let's get through this little hurdle and enjoy the weekend.

The first session started shortly after check-in.  As all Christian conferences go- music first.  Worship.  In the worship center.  Lights down, band on stage.  Ever been in a place where all of your senses are FLOODED by memories and take you back in less than a heartbeat?  Where you're in multiple moments, simultaneously experiencing the present and the past?  Where a song, a scent, a simple sight put you in another place entirely?

THAT was that moment for me.  And I learned SO many things in that moment.  The band was singing "Great is Your Faithfulness."  I think it took about two seconds for the waterworks.  I bawled.  To the point that I left the room to gain some control.  I couldn't help but flashback through the course of the last year.  There were SO many memories contained in that room.  Sunday morning worship.  More sermons than I can count.  More people and faces than I can count.  Tim being introduced as the new high school pastor.  Sophia's dedication.  Noah's dedication.  Tim baptizing lots of high schoolers.  Serving as a wedding coordinator for the church.  Tim being "thanked" for his service as high school pastor on our last Sunday there.

But more than those moments, countless hours pouring out my soul in worship.  And those were the memories that came back in that moment.  Time after time of lifting my hands to the Lord in surrender.  Wondering what on earth He was doing in our lives and where on earth He was leading us.  Many a tear, many a question, many a moment of saying, "Now what, Lord?"

And then coming full circle back to the present moment of praising the Lord, for "Great is [His] Faithfulness."  I had known that all through the previous year, and I had clung desperately to the fact that He was leading us through all of this to bring us to a better place.  That knowledge was my saving grace through our last year at MHC.  But here I was, on the other side, thanking God for bringing us through it all, and being faithful every step of the way.  I spent a year knowing this in my head, but now I was feeling it in my heart.

I was not expecting that moment to be so hard.  It totally caught me off guard.  But I am thankful for it.  I am thankful for the reminder to continue to praise God for His faithfulness through every part of the last year.  And also thankful for the reminder to continue to pray for healing.  I do feel like I am in a very healthy place after all we have been through, but the emotion that overtook me in that evening warned me that there is an ever-present enemy that would have me hold on to some of that pain.  Each tear that fell screamed to give it to the Lord and let go, to continue to pray for peace and wholeness.  Last year at this time, I wrote about how leaving MHC was like losing a limb (here's the link for that ever so elegant post).  And a year later, that limb has been miraculously, mostly regenerated.  But I'm not all the way there yet, and so I continue to ask the Lord to keep growing it until I am complete once again.  After all, Great is His Faithfulness!